Saturday, 22 December 2012

A Christmas Tale

By Ian Birket (Panikatak).

Santa was cross, he'd had a bad day.
His elves were on strike for more overtime pay.
Thay'd all been on strike since the end of the 'fall'
They wanted a 'National Elf Service' for all.

And Donner and Dancer and Cupid and Blitzen
had gone of in a 'hoof' since early last Whitsun'.
His lights wouldn't flash and his bells wouldn't ring
and his Jing wouldn't Jang and his Jang wouldn't Jing.

He'd asked Mrs. Claus for the weather forecast
and wished Christmas present would become Christmas past.
Global warming has meant there'll be no snow this year,
so she said, "Sorry my luv, there will just be 'rain dear!"

On top of it all, he'd the presents to sort
and political correctness had made the task fraught.
No dolls for the girls or guns for the boys,
no fireworks that bang or pollute with their noise.

No harm to their teeth from a sweet or a lolly.
Nothing sexist or racial, like a doll or a Golly!
No books on religion or to do with the body,
no 'Famous Five' and nothing on 'Noddy'!

No caffeine filled drinks to cause tension and stress.
No glue and no paint, because of the mess.
No jigsaws with pieces that some kid could choke on
and nothing too fragile that would only get 'broke-on'.

No feathers or fur and nothing of leather.
Nothing too simple and nothing too clever.
Nothing too violent and nothing too scary.
Nothing Royalist or 'Gay', not a Queen or a 'Fairy'!

Nothing with e-numbers or colourings that might
bring them out in a rash or be hyperactive all night.
No balls and no bats which could injure or bruise
and nothing with bits they were certain to lose.

No marbles or beads that a small child could fit
up its nose, in its ears or unmentionable bit.
And trees must be from a sustainable source
and the lights must be energy saving, of course!


  1. this is so timely-thank you & Merry Christmas to you & your family

  2. Merry Christmas, Karin! Joyeux Noel! Frohe Weihnachten!

  3. Merry Christmas Karin and a Happy New Year for you both. Looking Forward seeing you again somewhere in the next year.

  4. The perfect gift indeed!
    Merry Chirstmas to you and yours and all best wishes for the year ahead!

  5. Merry Christmas, Karin, and may God continue to bless you and your family.

  6. Dear Karin,
    Wishing you and your nearest and dearest a merry Christmas.....have a wonderful time and enjoy every minute. Much love. XXXX

  7. Dear Karin, Frohe Weihnachten to you and Mr. R and of course Mr. Oskar. We often think of our lovely visit with you. Where everything was perfect and beautiful. ox, G & G